When parental separation ends up in the family courts, serious risks such as family violence, child abuse, drug, alcohol or substance misuse, and mental health issues are often involved.
But many children feel shut out of family court processes that decide what is in their "best interests".
My new paper , co-authored with Southern Cross University researchers Eliza Hew, Meaghan Vosz and Helen Walsh and published in the journal Child and Family Social Work , looked at how children felt about their experiences in the family courts.
We interviewed 41 children and young people aged ten to 19 from Queensland, New South Wales, the Australian Capital Territory and Victoria. Four key themes emerged.
1. Children feel silenced
Some children we spoke with felt they were heard by family law professionals. Many, however, described feeling silenced. Penny (all names in this article changed to protect identies), aged 14, said:
[It was like] someone was standing there and putting something over my mouth so I couldn't speak […] I should have been allowed in the courtroom and been allowed to say what I wanted.
Chelsea, 15, felt:
squashed and I just had to do what I was told and be quiet and suck it up, even if it wasn't what I wanted.
Family court orders required Paige, 17, and her sister to spend time with their father, contrary to their expressed wishes. Paige blamed herself, saying:
That was always one of my biggest regrets because I'm like, maybe if I had said something differently, or emphasised it more, they would have understood what I was trying to say and actually listened […] it wouldn't have made such traumatic memories, which happened afterwards, when we were forced to see him.
The children in our study wanted to be heard directly. As Troy, 14, put it:
Talk to us, not about us.
Children also told us that they wanted their words conveyed accurately by family law professionals to the court. Lisa, 10, said:
It's like whispering to another person, and then you keep whispering, whispering, and then eventually, something comes out differently. People get it mixed up.
Other children felt speaking up was futile. Ari, 11, said:
I had some ideas that I wanted, that I thought would be fair, but it never really changed […] So I just stopped talking.
2. Children feel 'in the dark'
Most children we interviewed felt "in the dark" about family court processes. Olive, 11, said she had "no clue what was going on", while Leo, 13, said:
I didn't know anything. I was playing the guessing game.
Some children got information through their own proactive, even covert efforts. Ava, 13, said:
I was snooping through Mum's room and I found some papers.
Ava then Googled the family court judge who decided her parents' case, because "she, like, ruined my life. Need to know who."
