The agonizing feeling of a recent heartbreak might sting a little harder on Valentine's Day, and while this sensation might seem never-ending, healing from a breakup is crucial. A Baylor College of Medicine psychologist details how to manage a breakup amid the celebration of love.
"Breakups can sometimes feel like a trauma, but we can have post-traumatic growth. We want to heal and be in an even better place after we've gone through it," said Dr. Peggy H. Yang, assistant professor in the Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Baylor. "In many difficult life situations, the people who have support and are able to make sense of things to understand how and why this happened tend to recover faster."
People everywhere are also experiencing breakups or previously went through a breakup, so if you struggle in the beginning, know that others have suffered from this. Breakups allow you to learn about yourself, how you are in a relationship, and eventually help you learn to be even stronger and understand what you want in a future relationship.
The mantra "time heals all wounds," might sound like an echo when enduring heartbreak, and to pass that time, Yang suggests taking care of your physical self by getting adequate sleep, eating nutritiously and getting exercise. She also emphasizes the importance of seeking out people you trust that have your best interest at hand. Take some time to reflect about how healthy the relationship was for you.
"For some of us in times of high stress, we are rejuvenated by being around others, and for others of us we need time alone. Make sure you're getting a balance and checking in with the people around you who know you well. See what they're noticing about you. If you're concerned that the grief about the breakup has been more prolonged than you want it to be, seek support or therapy."
Many experiencing heartbreak dread Valentine's Day. Yang recommends reflecting on what matters most to you about the holiday. If you seek connection with someone important in your life, connect with another person that you know well; it does not have to be romantic connection. If you enjoy feeling cared for, turn it around by caring for yourself with a nice meal or doing something that is normally a treat. Some might need the day to grieve, which is healthy and reasonable. If the noise surrounding the holiday bothers you, take notice of how you feel. You might need to take a social media break for the rest of the day. You are allowed to feel bothered by the abundance of hearts and affection that comes with Valentine's Day.
"If you feel that you have not been able to move past the constant rumination and are replaying things or blaming yourself, coupled with not being able to meet your regular demands of life, or having chronic appetite or sleep difficulty, then there is perhaps more of an urgency to seek out a clinical assessment," she said.
A clinical assessment can help determine if the heartbreak is exacerbating a current condition or causing a new depressive episode, anxiety or other condition. Psychotherapy is helpful for recovering from any kind of loss. It can teach us how to find a way to grieve the loss of relationships, to find new ways to making meaning, to learn about ourselves and learn how to move through difficult times. It takes time to heal from a breakup. It takes time to learn how we want to build our future relationships.
"The hope is we don't just think about others on Valentine's Day - that one day of the year - whether we're in a relationship or not, but that we take care of others and ourselves every day" Yang said.
