One of the biggest shifts we face in university is how different friend dynamics work. We no longer share the same class every day, have the same homeroom or have the same timetable. Last but not least, university campuses are often 10 times bigger than schools, so it can be harder to bump into your friends during the day. It's not a "strange" story if you don't see your friends for a week.
If you're an international student, you might find it difficult to keep up with friendships back home, with time differences and huge distances. Sometimes, you feel disconnected and clueless about how to keep up.
Here's some advice I wish someone had given me before going to university on maintaining friendships – since it's so different.
Plan meet-ups and study sessions.
If you're on a larger campus and it's difficult to bump into each other, one of the best ways to maintain friendships is to plan. This could be a study session, hanging out for an event or grabbing coffee. Setting specific times and dates is important because people might be reluctant to hang out without concrete plans. Plus, it helps ensure no other plan gets in the way. Try to find a regular time each week that works for everyone, like a standing coffee date every Wednesday afternoon or a weekly study group on Sunday evenings. This way, it becomes a routine and something you can all look forward to.
Don't be afraid to mix things up and try new places or activities. Maybe one week, you meet at a cozy café to catch up, and the next, you explore a new part of campus or attend a campus event together. This keeps things exciting and creates more shared memories.
Participate in campus activities.
Join a club, do a research project, volunteer... these are great ways to meet your friends regularly. One of the best ways to keep up with friends when daily conversations are shorter is to talk about work or shared interests. Here are some questions you can chat about:
- What are your future career goals?
- How do you see yourself growing in the next few years?
- What are some of your passions outside of academics?
Friendship flourishes when we all have the same goals and envision a future together. Even if we're not from the same major, class or future job, we can still use networking to our advantage.
Plan fun social events.
Plan social events like game nights or sporting events you can all attend. Shared experiences bond people. Whether it's a movie night, a hiking trip or just a casual hangout, these moments strengthen your connections.
Always reach out and make an effort to chat regularly.
It can be intimidating to initiate the first "Hello," and you might feel anxious, worrying that you're being annoying. But most of the time, people appreciate it when you reach out. Ask about their day and make plans together. Reaching out doesn't have to be dry text; here are some conversation starters:
- What's your plan for the day/week?
- Any exciting plans for the upcoming vacation?
- How are you finding your university experience?
- Any cool projects at work?
- Got any life advice for me?
Sending relatable reels or memes on social media can also be a fun way to keep in touch.
It's okay if you can't keep up with all your friends.
I know a lot of first-year students come to university with the mentality that they have to make friends and belong to a group. Many people stick to the first group they meet and feel anxious if they can't keep up. But remember, it might be because the energy isn't in sync, or it's not the right fit for you. There's no need to fear missing out. There are still many other friends on campus that you could click with, so keep being experimental.
Making and maintaining friends in university is a fun experience. It might be challenging, but as long as you feel comfortable, it will be alright. Just be yourself, stay open to new experiences and remember that true friendships will always find a way to thrive. Enjoy the journey and the amazing people you'll meet along the way!
